The opposite of Buyer’s Remorse

“I just spent some money, and I feel great about it!”

I know it sounds crazy, but that exact thought ran through my head the other day.

If you were to hear someone say something like that, you might wonder a) about their sanity and b) what they bought that could have made them so content.

In my case, a) Yes, I’m a little crazy, and b) It was merely a couple bags of groceries that had made me so jazzed about spending $34.

Just some groceries. That’s it. Just some Bananas, Eggs, Bread, Cheese, Crackers, Avocado, Protein Bars, Tea, Frozen Meals, and Almond Croissants. From Trader Joe’s of course… Could that be why I enjoyed spending my money so much? (I think, partially, yes)

I splurged with the frozen, oven-baked almond croissants. We were out at home, and I like to keep some around to use as a sleepy Sunday morning surprise for my girlfriend Sarah.

Here’s what had happened that day when I said that crazy thing: Walking into TJ’s, I told myself, You will only spend $30. You only need necessities. The croissants admittedly are not necessities by any means, but they’re only $4… plus they are so yummy and fun to have around.

I spent a little over $34. I went over budget but felt no disappointment in myself or weakness.

Where was the regret? The remorse?

I have had grocery runs before that left me feeling defeated. Even when Sarah and I try to set a budget, make a list, and eat a big meal before going to the store (Never go to the market hungry!), we sometimes go way over budget and, more importantly, regret buying so much.

Then on the drive home we try to justify having spent $30 over budget by saying things like, “We really need these things; we’ll eat all of it, just watch.”

And we do end up eating mostly all of it. Sometimes it’s because we feel obliged to. It feels like our way of using our behavior to retroactively justify our spending instead of just spending and budgeting responsibly.

As we put away the groceries from big hauls like those, one of us will review the receipt to see where we went wrong. When Sarah looks at it, she often laments that she hates “how math works” (with all those little numbers adding up to a big number). Then we always agree to do better next time.

However, reading the receipt after this most recent grocery run did not make me feel any of that nonsense.

Everything on the list had its place.

My favorite go-to snack is a banana. I live for frying myself three eggs sunnyside-up in the morning and putting them on top of some avocado toast. I’ve been trying to drink less caffeine, too; I’m enjoying trying a variety of new tea types as an alternative to coffee.

My frozen meals and protein bars are very practical; they keep me fed when I’m busy. Even the (non-essential) croissants had their place. I love seeing Sarah’s glee when she gets something sweet in the morning. Those croissants are one of the easiest ways to brighten her day (I don’t care how much she begs me to stop bringing them in the house).

Everything I bought that day was necessary.

Everything I bought enabled me to live my life joyfully and even empowered me to become the person I strive to be.

I need all of those things in my life this week more than I need $34.

In fact, if I had not bought those groceries, I would regret it today, but maybe I would try to retroactively justify saving that money.

I could say something like, “Maybe I can retire a little earlier now with these $34 I saved… I can buy another ETF now!”

I’ve experienced that thinking before, too, but ultimately it’s dishonest. It’s dishonest because the reasons I might use to justify saving more money do not reflect my deepest, most soulful desires.

The truth is I would rather have a bunch of bananas and a happy girlfriend today than the ability to retire $34 earlier (whatever that means).

Let’s call this feeling Saver’s Remorse: the uneasy feeling following repression of one’s sincere desires and aspirations for the sake of saving more money.

The truth is my future wealth and well being are made of more than accumulated cash and ETFs (though those are an important part of a financially sound future).

In my future, I want to know I used my available resources to enrich myself and the people I love in the present. If I don’t — if I exclusively choose to cherish money over having and sharing experiences that bring joy — money may be all I end up with. I may not have much of my own joy left or many relationships to enjoy when retirement eventually rolls around.

I hope to reimagine spending money. Spending is not always sinful and wasteful. It can serve our individual goals and our soulful commitments to ourselves and others.

When I am in doubt about buying something, I ask myself, “Will this enrich me?” and I use the broadest definition of the word enrich.

In such moments, I am really asking myself: Will buying this thing help me become the person I strive to be (in my case, a better writer, creator, entrepreneur, boyfriend, son, etc. — all the roles to which I am committed)?

Will buying this thing bring me peace of mind and lasting satisfaction or utility?

Will I want to share this thing and the benefits it will provide with my friends and family?

Am I willing to tell the world, I am the type of person who buys this thing! and really own that?

I believe if you surround yourself with the sorts of things that affirm for you each of those questions, you are wealthy.

This is a personal finance article of Zeneration Wealth — a platform for empowering Gen Z and beyond with new ideas of financial wealth and well being. As a community, we are creating a new paradigm of success. If you have your own thoughts on these topics, feel free to reply to this post to keep the conversation going.

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